Kindness and Self Esteem

The world is obsessed with the idea of supremacy and delinquency.  It is the goal of this blog entry to attempt to establish a link between the propogation of the idea of supremacy (whether racial, ethnic, class, gender or any other concievable dividing line between humans...) and the creation of delinquency.

In other words, the more you teach (whether by word or deed) that there is a pecking order, the more people will end up on the bottom of somebody's pecking order list until we are all at the bottom.  

Delinquency is used as a means of getting attention as well as a way to vent anger and frustration.  This is especially true if the reason for the pecking order is flawed, biased or unfair.  Often these people are just like everyone else only they have low self-esteem and need someone to reach out to them and help.

So how can we teach kindness without creating a pecking order?  It is not a simple task.  Teaching kindness to children is difficult, but teaching kindness to adults who never learned to be kind as children is downright impossible.

Kindness in humans, needs to have a solid base in self-esteem.  However, there is constructive and destructive high self-esteem.

Constructive high self-esteem says to a person, "You could be the equal of anyone else in history."  While destructive self-esteem says to a person, "You already are the equal of anyone else in history and superior to many."

That's the problem is that many people tear down other people's self-esteem to boost their own.  This is unhealthy.  

ALSO, it is important to teach diversity along with kindness.  I am quite aware that in certain school districts there is a lack of diversity, making it difficult to teach in an applied way, but that does not mean that diversity cannot be taught at all.

Kindness can be broken down into 3 constitutent parts; compassion, mercy and gratitude.

Compassion, Mercy and Gratitude

Compassion:  This is one of the hardest concepts to teach, but one of the most important.  It can be cultivated through playing in skits, prayer, or through carefully guided imagery.  Take a second and try to feel compassion.  It's a great feeling.  Now ask yourself, why don't I feel like this all the time?

Mercy:  Mercy must be taught by example.  If a child notices that you are angry at them, instead of a draconian punishment, show your class that even though the child has been disrespectful to you, you are not going to be disrespectful to the child.  When you show mercy,  make sure that people know about it sometimes.  That's the best way to teach mercy.

Gratitude:  This is one of those, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink," topics.  You can make a child say thank you, but you can't make them mean it.  Again, acting in skits, prayer and carefully guided imagery can help.  Once again, take a second to feel gratitude...  Now doesn't that feel wonderful.  And you can do it whenever you want and it doesn't cost a dime.

Internal vs. External Kindness

Now there are internal and external kindnesses.  For the sake of sociology, external kindness is more important.  For the sake of personal mental health, internal kindness is more important.  But they are both important to say the least, but how does one with good external kindness increase internal kindness and vice versa?

Each one increases the other.  If you practice external kindness, over time internal kindness will increase.  If you practice internal kindness, naturally external kindness will display itself.

That's my advise about internal and external kindness.  Do not be moved by others lack of external kindness and I guarantee that lots of kindness will come your way.  Perhaps not by the same people but eventually.  Hindus call it karma, and I do believe it exists.

Kindness, Peace and Love,

Scotter

Can forthrightness be misconstrued as cruelty

Sadly, this sometimes happens.  Make an apology and move on with your life.  Don't stop being forthright, but sometimes think about the tone of voice you use, your facial expression.  These sometimes betray our negative emotions.  Perhaps sometimes you and myself are rude without meaning to be.

Just apologize, that's what I do.

Forgiveness as an essential part of mercy.

We must learn to forgive.  Ourselves and each other.  Forgiveness is what was preached by Buddah.  He taught us to silence our minds so that they do no speak.  This is called Zen.  Only in Zen can you find yourself and improve yourself.

Do we judge too much and not introspect and forgive enough?

I think we do.  How do we stop being so judgmental of people?  There is a simple way.  Prayer.  Pray for those who persecute you?  If you can pray for your persecutors, you are on your way to being a kind person.

Jesus didn't preach the cup of wrath.  Jesus taught us to forgive.  Even when he was on the cross, he still forgave those around him.

Attonement

How does one atone? I have done bad things in my life.  I have thought some things in my life that greatly disturb me and I want to make good that I am still a good person and have worth.

Have you lost your kindness?

How can you get it back?  One step at a time, you can regain your kindness and learn to let gratitude, peace and serenity flow once more.

Some people are sexist, racist, etc.,  and this is not a good thing.  We need to understand people that are different than us.  We need to put ourselves in their shoes and try to appreciate who they are as people.

Who are you?  Where do you stand?  Is there someone standing on you?  Keeping you down?  Holding you back?  

Are there people supporting you and giving you the help you need?  Loving you and bolstering you up?  FOCUS ON THEM.  Not the people holding you back.  Doesn't that feel better?

Now you are starting to get your kindness back.